Witty, Comedic Writer for New "Woo" Brand - 1st Project: PDF Guide (Female Voice)

Ciaooo!!

I'm looking for the writer-equivalent of a Great White Buffalo:

- Comedic, witty, funny
- Write in a 'female' voice (if you're a dude, you need to be able to read like one of the girls.)
- Obsessed with all things "Woo" (Tarot, crystals, Reiki, Oracle Cards, burning sage...)
- Able to research the topics and then write original content in the brand voice

I have ongoing needs for this incredible human, but the first project is this:

An opt-in PDF guide that is an intro to various types of "Woo." I'm imagining:
- Intro to Woo and the brand, #WooCurious (the gathering place for the skeptical, yet curious)
- Each of the 5 topics include: 0.5-1 page description of what it is, address the "elephant in the room" (all of the skeptics) , and then talk about the unicorn in the room (why people love it, the benefits) and then recommend 1 starter and 1 more 'advanced' product from Amazon. Each product recommendation is going to include a "Woo Meter" based on how far down the woo rabbit hole it is. :) We can chat over video to make this more clear.
- The 5 topics would be: Tarot, Crystals, Manifestation (LoA), Some kind of energy work (tapping, reiki, ?), and journaling intentions.

In total, once designed, the PDF will be 10-12 pages. For the raw writing, it'll be 5-6 pages. So this isn't REALLY an eBook, but I didn't know what else to pick!

Please include the word BANANA in your application, so I know that you read through. Thanks!

I want this piece to be realllllly good. Hilarious. Entertaining. AND A little educational.

Let's see what you've got!