I need a couple of funny writers/bloggers (mature theme)

Num. of articles: 1
Words per article: 600
Information for the blog/website: A blog of humourous/furious rants
Industry: Entertainment
Topic: All subjects are fair game
Tone: Witty/Sharp
Outline & Structure: (This ad is not for the easily offended.)

I have a blog of sorts, written by me and a handful of others I've managed to find from various places around the internet. The theme of the blog is ranting at things, big and small, that make us grumpy. The subjects so far include religion, fancy dress, wrestling, work, war, music, suicide and the horrible reality of having to get up in the night for a leak. Nothing is out of bounds, though there are obvious guidelines on lines not to cross.

The focus is on entertainment - these are meant to be either funny (and I will be the judge on what's funny in this case), or powerfully angry, or ideally both. Cynicism and wit are greatly prized. Boring and waffling are banned.

Thanks to Gumtree having ended free ads for creative writing I need to find two or three new writers to inject some fresh blood. I propose paying £13 for an article, which can be anywhere from 400 words up to 1,000 words - you find yourself getting into a flow with these things, hence the range, and when you're in the zone they don't take long to write.

If £13 doesn't seem like much, I should point out that they are intended to be enjoyable to write, and you get to choose your subject.

The key point is this: the website is very adult-focused - swearing is optional but encouraged if it helps the humour and anger of the piece. Indeed, the URL is pretty wrong - it is www.whatsthe1234ingpoint.uk, and you need to replace the numbers with a popular four-letter word beginning with F.

A few extra points:
1. I will edit the article and I will give it a title taken from within the text, as I have for all the pieces so far on the site. You do not have to do any editing after you've written it, unless I can't work out a point you're trying to make.
2. I will post it under your name, but only your first name (or an alternative first name if you wish). You get added to a list of contributors, and I can include a Twitter name with that if you want.
3. It would be handy if you could share your writing via social media, but given the nature of the site it's fine if you'd rather not.
4. For the clearest steer on what I'm looking for, go to the URL above and go to the 'Us' page, and hit 'Chris'. That's me.

I will need an example or two of your previous work and it will need to demonstrate some sort of humour or wit. Lots of people can write very well, but not everyone can be funny with it.

If you have no examples of this style but think you can do it, you could write the article and send it to me via PPH, and if it's in the style I'm looking for I'll just use that, and pay. I won't use anything I don't pay for, obviously.

Hopefully the job will allow me to accept more than one 'winner'. If not I will have to set up private jobs for others after the first one. If anyone replies, that is...
Extensive research needed: no
Extra notes: