Write web content that will make a dog laugh
$30
Delivery in
2 days
Rating
98%
(10 reviews)
(10 reviews)
Amount of days required to complete work for this Offer as set by the freelancer.
Rating of the Offer as calculated from other buyers' reviews.
Average time for the freelancer to first reply on the workstream after purchase or contact on this Offer.
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What you get with this Offer
It must be tough for you, trawling lists of people claiming they can write brilliant, absorbing copy for your website, all insisting they're the best, quickest and cheapest at what they do. Or 'i am good riter' as I saw in one ad a while ago.
But picture us writers, poring through lists of possible jobs and pasting in our responses in the hope that somebody somewhere will press the wrong button and hire us by mistake, tying them to us forever like someone in a film whose life the hero saves and who then just won't clear off.
I, like you, am sick of forever scrolling these lists, hoping for some mythical perfect match of my keyboard and your cash.
Here is my pitch: if you want words that will make your audience laugh, I might be your man. I'm no comedian, just a bloke who makes people laugh down the pub. I can write, sometimes entertainingly and sometimes not, because occasionally I'm writing about yet another custom-made bathroom company and Groucho sodding Marx couldn't make that funny.
I can be wry, witty, broad, cynical, light-hearted, sarcastic, jocular, satirical and various other things that you're not meant to say you can be. I’m by nature a fairly misanthropic man so in the unlikely event you work for Disney and you're scouting on PPH for talent for the next Tinker Bell movie you may want to move along.
My writing mostly lives at www.cidlockie.com. The more amusing stuff is probably the nonsense written by 'Chris' on Striving for Apathy and if finding that sounds like too much clicking, we won't get on, because for the love of Ada it's just clicking a mouse. Do you realise how much effort a couple of clicks involves? How do you even get out of bed of a morning?
I've put 20 quid (for, say, 500-1000 words) because after our PPH overlords take their share that probably leaves me with about a tenner, enough to feed my three starving children for a fortnight, which should fatten them up enough to fetch a good price down the market. Though obviously I don't have children, because the world had a meeting I wasn't invited to and decided that just wouldn't work out.
But picture us writers, poring through lists of possible jobs and pasting in our responses in the hope that somebody somewhere will press the wrong button and hire us by mistake, tying them to us forever like someone in a film whose life the hero saves and who then just won't clear off.
I, like you, am sick of forever scrolling these lists, hoping for some mythical perfect match of my keyboard and your cash.
Here is my pitch: if you want words that will make your audience laugh, I might be your man. I'm no comedian, just a bloke who makes people laugh down the pub. I can write, sometimes entertainingly and sometimes not, because occasionally I'm writing about yet another custom-made bathroom company and Groucho sodding Marx couldn't make that funny.
I can be wry, witty, broad, cynical, light-hearted, sarcastic, jocular, satirical and various other things that you're not meant to say you can be. I’m by nature a fairly misanthropic man so in the unlikely event you work for Disney and you're scouting on PPH for talent for the next Tinker Bell movie you may want to move along.
My writing mostly lives at www.cidlockie.com. The more amusing stuff is probably the nonsense written by 'Chris' on Striving for Apathy and if finding that sounds like too much clicking, we won't get on, because for the love of Ada it's just clicking a mouse. Do you realise how much effort a couple of clicks involves? How do you even get out of bed of a morning?
I've put 20 quid (for, say, 500-1000 words) because after our PPH overlords take their share that probably leaves me with about a tenner, enough to feed my three starving children for a fortnight, which should fatten them up enough to fetch a good price down the market. Though obviously I don't have children, because the world had a meeting I wasn't invited to and decided that just wouldn't work out.
What the Freelancer needs to start the work
What do I need from the buyer? Well, money. I thought that was obvious.
Reviews (10)
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