Short professional Russian translation

I am looking for a professional translator from English to Russian for the following headlines.
Those are made up article titles that play with typographic terms, but should sound like convincing newspaper headlines.

Here is the text (just 200 words)

A vehicle disappears after painted with camouflage
Most Americans spend 12 years looking at Helvetica
Professor Moriarty accused of bad use of negative space
Experts agree that ice melting is caused by increasing temperatures
Banks disclose that past profits were pure accidents
Botticelli accuses Adobe of intellectual property theft
Woody Allen wins a Woody Allen look-alike contest
Study Finds that reading about reading make you read.
California to move to Luxembourg because of tax benefits
After centuries, Gutenberg admits using laser printer
County to pay $500,000 to advertise lack of funds
Attorney accidentally sues himself
Beatrice Warde admits breaking the crystal goblet
English language now owned by Google
Statistics prove that less is not more than less.
Reading easier when traveling at high speeds
Federal agents raid gun shop, find weapons
Four flies murdered in bakery in Baghdad
Legibility expert found to be illiterate
Jannon sues Garamond for copyright infringement
Massive protests after grave kerning pair error
De Gabiano receives a patent for invention of piracy
Eric Gill denies wearing red silk underpants
Hundreds hospitalised after new logo revealed
Pluto official apology for making fun of Goofy
Charles Schulz sued by animal rights activists
Erik Spiekermann sculpture erected in Berlin
Cambridge to ban the Oxford comma