Funny 4-5 Min Rehearsal Dinner Wedding Speech (550-650 Words)

I am looking for a creative, humorous writer to help write a 4 to 5-minute rehearsal dinner toast for my close friend Kim’s upcoming wedding to Alex.

Deliverable:
• A finished script of approximately 550–650 words (timed for a natural, unhurried 4–5 minute speaking pace).
• Delivery format: Clear speech notes formatted with stage cues/pauses for comedic timing.
• Tone: Funny, warm, self-aware, and natural. It must feel like authentic dinner conversation between close friends not a stiff, generic wedding template or corporate presentation.