I need help writing the “Our Story” part of my website

I’m looking for someone to take some details I give them. Use info like my myself, company, and my products and turn it into hyper sexual page turner that makes you want to cum in your pants as you read it. If you are able to help with the about me well then I might have you right the each product discretion too. The right person will be familiar with gay sex culture and comfortable taking the righting a very raw and dark space. The goal is to get someone to buy this product after reading this. Thank you