I need an honest review of a children's story

Num. of articles: 1
Words per article: 8810
Details about the product: Children's story review
Industry: Entertainment
Tone: Informal/Casual
Outline & Structure: I have written my first children's story as part of my creative writing course. The next assignment requires me to get an outside perspective of my story. It is far from perfect and so I need someone with experience to give me some constructive criticism. This is not a long job, I do not need pages and pages of feedback; a few sentences will do. It should be quick and easy to read as it is aimed at 7-10 years old.

I need to know what you like, and what you do not like. What was the best and worst bits? Would you be interested in reading more.

Ideally you will have children you can test this on, or work with children and know what they like. Or perhaps you work in children's publishing so you can tell what is popular and what is not.

I appreciate any feedback at all, good or bad.
Extensive research needed: no
Extra notes: