Video editing after effects for B2B marketing purposes

I'm looking for someone that can improve our marketingvideo testimonial in a way that increases the engagement and make it more attractive for people to watch & finish the whole video. We send this e-mail in a B2B market, that's targeting hotel managers, most of the time via e-mail. Goal is to generate more leads when a General Manager of a hotel see this video.

You can find the work of our in-house editor with Adobe After effects here: https://vimeo.com/391927014/a3ab31dea8.

Can you do it better than this? Let me know!