Make text in short promotion video more attractive sales wise

hi,

Our technical staff came up with a new, short promotion video.
There is some text in the video to explain what goes on.
We like you to focus on the text, and change it to a more sales/marketing attractive version.
its only 8 lines.
If needed, we can supply the current text from the video in a simple text document.
Other feedback is appreciated but at this moment we are looking for somebody with mainly sales/marketing writing skills
video can be found here: https://vimeo.com/432482149/1bb9fdcfb5
So I know you understand what is asked, I like you to give me 1 example of a better text/line.

looking forward to your offer...