Write you a five minute stand-up comedy/comedy sketch(approximately 750 words)

I am capable or writing for you a five minute piece of stand-up comedy or a five minute sketch this will come to approximately 800 words and I will be able to do this within 2 days it can be on the subject of your choice or if you need a funny five minute speech which is light hearted but not too over the top.Also you may include any thoughts you yourself have on the subject though I will also do my own research.