I need a 2 sentence hook for a YA speculative fiction novella.

Welcome Ghostwriters who have inked fantasy or speculative fiction.

1)I need someone who can write a fantastic 2 sentence first paragraph hook.
2) I need someone who gets the hook is to hook and not simply the start of the story.
3) I need someone who can write the hook in such a way that it addresses the broader subject matter of the series (which I will share with interested parties after NDA signing.
4) I need the first line to have a humorous note to it while it makes a statement about the lifestyle and beliefs of the opening character
5) I need the second sentence to make a statement about the nature and dealings of the MC without directly attributing it to the MC, but instead showing how the opening character opposes such things.
6) Need the first line to be 18-22 words.

I will pay $33 USD for these two sentences that meet the stated expectations as applied using the info I will share after NDA signing to interested parties.