Urgent Job Promotion Request

I work for an International company and need help with a letter to my boss. I opened a new sales office last January in Los Angeles. The new business that my office has brought in this year is unbelievable!
Unfortunately, we have about 300 employees around the world and only one in the LA. We also have a NY office that is a separate entity with about 10 employees. The NY office receives health benefits, 401K, car allowance, etc. My boss is well aware that I want a raise and health benefits and is willing to do so but requires that I write the official email. I need help bringing up the following points (my personal needs to make me want to stay with company):

• Want to proposal health benefits for West coast office. If that is not a company option at this time, let’s discuss a plan that works for us. If the company doesn’t want to pay for health plan, I would like to request a contribution towards my healthcare. Attached are 3 benefit quotes as reference.
• On our last trip you mentioned that would like me to add company emails to my cell phone. I can do that but I want to propose a cell phone allowance.
• I would like to discuss a commission package for my in house account sales
• I would like to discuss a quarterly incentives plan on Key account that I am proposing to be an account executive for. It’s a minimum amount of %.50.
Please understand that the company knows that I am underpaid and they want to keep me. The CEO has sent written companywide emails on how successful and invaluable “I am” to the company. My boss has made it clear to everyone that he can’t do his job without me. I don’t need to prove myself, I just don’t want to sound rude. Attached is what I written so far, can you help me?
This is a rush job, need it sent in next 24 hours.