Journalism Advice

I am doing my own studying in journalism and want to become a journalist in crime.

I know that I need experience which is why I have attened St Albans crown court and listened to a rape case and have written my own article (attached).

I was wondering if you could give me a few tips and advice on the writing that I have done and where I am going wrong.

Also what should I be doing to be able to sell/syndicate my articles or get a job as a journalist.