Clever & Funny Copywriting about Jack Daniels

This is for a small university project of mine and not for the real company. We have to make a "corporate object" as a gift to clients of a company. I am a graphic designer and not interested in product design project like this so I decided to have a bottle of Jack Daniels (or a voucher) as a present and a clever text.

The gift will be in a box that is intended to suggest that it is one of those pretentious presents that companies gives to their best clients. One opened they get the text that says something about how the company tried to think of a clever/good/etc present, but decided that Jack Daniels itself is the best present. Nothing else would fit so well.

The ideal candidate knows the corporate identity of Jack Daniels and perfect english.

If no knowledge of the brand is there I can put together some research about the famous Mr.Jack.

http://www.coffeemoon.eu/wp-content/gallery/random-bits-and-bobs/cm-jack-daniels-advertising-friend-2011-10-21.jpg

http://www.thelittlevillagegiftshop.com/PP32272-511x768

http://distilleryimage8.s3.amazonaws.com/aab8573e4f3911e1a87612313804ec91_7.jpg

http://tomsideas.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/wp_000064.jpg

I want to almost hear the deep southern accent when reading the text.

I don't have a high budget, but I hope to find a good writer that is willing to work on this. I am also a bit worried about hiring someone, because how do you know if the writer is able to achieve a good result without similar examples? If you do have work, please show.

Thanks.